What Stage of Divorce Grief Are You In?

Just like losing a close friend or family member, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified a predictable pattern of grief that many people experience during divorce. Each person's journey will differ in length and intensity, but recognizing where you are in the process can be enormously helpful.

1. Shock & Denial - During this stage you are still in disbelief and proceeding with your life somewhat normally. The shock serves as a natural buffer so that you are not overwhelmed with emotions all at once — it buys you time to process the reality gradually.

2. Pain & Guilt - After a period of avoiding thoughts about how your life will soon change, your numbness turns into panic as reality begins to set in. Fear of the unknown takes over. How could you have let this happen? At the same time, anxiety may increase as feelings of shame and embarrassment emerge.

3. Anger – Wait a minute, this was not all your fault! Your logic has kicked in and you start to realize you were a good spouse and should not have to be going through this. This is often when attorneys are called, as the blaming and the desire to "win" begin to creep in.

4. Bargaining – You have tried to be strong, but this is all too much to take. Maybe there is still a way to fix things? This stage is often fueled by guilt and "what if" thinking.

5. Depression & Detachment - How do so many people survive such an overwhelming and draining experience? Some even choose to go through it multiple times. You have no energy, you feel helpless, and you will do anything for it to just END — even settle for much less than you deserve.

6. Acceptance - Millions of people have survived divorce, and although it may not feel like it now, you will too. It's time to return to your new normal and start exploring your options.

7. Rebuilding - Your financial goals and plan have likely gotten way off course. A financial advisor can help you put a new plan in place to make sure the resources you were awarded last as long as possible.

   
   

Divorce is a process, and although everyone has a different story, few people emerge unscathed. According to the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, divorce ranks as the second most stressful life event a person can experience, trailing only the death of a spouse. Do not make a decision that will affect your entire future based on a temporary feeling of guilt or panic. Make sure your next step makes sense.

We have been through divorce both ourselves and with our clients. We understand the emotional roller coaster you are on. Let us show in black and white how the decisions you make today might affect your finances 5 -> 10 -> 20 years down the road.

*Based on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, tax, or financial advice. Divorce laws and regulations vary significantly by state. Please consult with qualified legal, tax, and financial professionals in your jurisdiction before making decisions related to your divorce.